Francophile meanderings
We were very lucky to have spent over a month touring France this summer in our Motorhome. Here are just some of the things that struck me when we were out and about:-
Driving
- Never make eye contact with another driver at a junction, they take it as a sign of weakness and pull out in front of you.
- Never stop at zebra crossings – it confuses the pedestrians.
- Never leave a ‘safe space’ between you and the driver in front (especially on motorways) as a French driver will pull in between, causing you to have to break suddenly as well as the driver behind, who will immediately pull out and beep their horn at you like it was all your fault!
- The driver tanking up the motorway breaking every speed limit will invariably be German (they don’t have speed limits on the autobahn back home).
- Don’t hesitate at traffic lights when the lights change directly from red to green, if you do there will be a cacophony of tooting horns behind you.
- When a driver suddenly pulls out in front of you from a side street don’t shout abuse at them, as quite possibly they do have right of way. #stupidFrenchroadrules.
Camping and Campsites
- The French usually put plastic table cloths on their outside camping table and, more often than not, also have a pot of flowers. One upmanship (re vase contents) is rife, a single long stemmed red rose in a glass vase won the competition.
- Don’t assume the toilet a) will be an English style one, or b) if it is, that it will have a toilet seat and c) that there will be any toilet paper whatsoever.
- French supermarkets sell a varied line in small packs of toilet paper to carry in your pocket or handbag. They are like a tiny toilet roll, without the card lining, inside an openable moulded cylindrical rigid plastic case.
- Two crossed mops in the shower block doorway mean you will have to hang on till the cleaners have a) finished chatting on their phone whilst leaning on their mop, or b) finished gossiping with each other whilst leaning on their mop before putting out their fags and walking away, or c) congregating in the cleaning cupboard tutting over the state of their mops. If you feel brave enough you could step over the barrier or just give up and go elsewhere.
- When you see a woman (usually German) walking around the campsite in a flimsy dressing gown, she’s probably on her way to shower, or back from the pool, or off to the launderette, or going to the shop …. actually she may be going anywhere, they just seem to like wearing them. The look is finished off with a pair of Crocs – it seems that they are worried about cross contamination of foot fungus in the cubicles so they shower with plastic shoes on.
- If you are confronted by a large man jogging towards you clutching a toilet roll, get out of his way quickly, you can guess where he’s heading and why he’s jogging. We noticed that the British tried to hide their toilets rolls and attempted to walk nonchalantly but we all knew where they were going 🤣
Just a thought …..
Just because you’re on a campsite and the sun has been desperately trying to come out from behind the clouds all morning does not mean men should immediately walk round with no shirt on.
Beware of people who line up their Crocs in size order on the carpet outside the door of their caravan. (It just seems weird to me)
The French
- The French do appreciate you having a go at speaking French, they let you babble on incomprehensibly then after a few minutes will invariably answer you in fluent English.
- When walking towards you on the pavement they act in the same way as they do when driving – they do not give way.
- If you are French and you smoke, ensure you light up a Galois at every opportunity especially when everyone else around you is eating. Full points are gained by smoking between courses.
A shrug is a wonderful expression, we should all use it more to express nonchalance, annoyance, disdain, wonderment, approval, disapproval …. you can use it in any situation. Enjoy 😉
